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    我想我快疯了~~~

     
    我想我快要疯了,快要得内伤了,快要得精分了,
    每天憋得好难受却还是要装作一副很快乐的样子,来欺骗自己也欺骗他人。
    失恋综合症终于在分手半年之后显现出来,
    手机的里录音翻出来听过之后,就开始莫名地嚎啕大哭,
    他的声音,他对我们未来的构想,那么美好的曾经却只能在过去的录音中回忆,
    回想那个时候的生活,那样幸福单纯的生活也许再也找不回来了吧。
     
    很早以前,应该是去年年末的时候就在版里看到了 厦门故事 这个贴,
    只是那个时候的我根本没有勇气把它打开,就算它已红了脸,
    如今终于鼓起勇气按下了右键,翻看已经成万的回帖,
    那些街道的名字,商场的名字,饭店的名字,沙滩的名字……
    就这样映入眼帘勾起了我一直以来埋藏在心底不敢去触碰的回忆。
    鼓浪屿,临海小径,日光岩下的石洞,环岛路,中山路,老虎城,SM,
    KFC,厦大,白城……
    因为那段时光太过纯粹而美好,所以一直以来更是不敢触碰,
    害怕仅存的那一些相濡以沫的旧时光一碰便灰飞烟灭。
     
    这段时间一直在想,如果真如平时所说的,打一个喷嚏是因为有人在想你的话,
    我想,他这段时间一来一定认为自己病得不轻吧。呵呵~~~
    蚌壳用沙子磨砺出明亮的珍珠,
    而我痛苦地回忆曾经和你一起快乐时光又能历练出什么不朽的传奇么?
    如今,我可能已经开始享受这种思念和回忆的折磨了吧,
    那种从胃里传到心里的一种酸涩和麻痹的味道我已经开始习惯并且乐在其中了。
     
    曾经在还没有经历恋爱的时候,我就说过,不要把自己的感情搞得很悲,
    伤人伤己,两败俱伤,这样的感情不值得惦念,
    所以,我一直很努力的强迫自己不去联系不去探望,
    虽然回忆和思念没有办法由自己控制,但至少行为上也能约束一下自己吧。
    如果不把自己的悲伤传递出去,不去打扰,这也是我最后唯一能够做到的吧。
     
    从不会主动追求自己想要的幸福,如果有人给我,刚好我也想要,我便接受,
    如果你要离去,我也不回挽留,不会哭闹,不会让你为难,
    这样一副嘴脸的我活该我得不到幸福,根本就没有资格嘛!
    伤心吧,心痛吧,纠结吧,辗转反侧吧,也只有自己慢慢消磨慢慢享用了~~~
     
    我这个贱人!

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